How to tell your family that you are gay
“You want to shove those words support in and place the lid on. But you can’t. Your child is gay. This goes against everything you’ve been taught. It was not what you had in mind, and you instantly wonder where you went wrong.”
When you become a parent, you understand to expect the unexpected. But for many Christian parents, nothing can organize them to catch that their beloved child is queer . This is the child you possess cradled, spoon fed mashed bananas, and dreamed a gorgeous future for. How could this be? What will the church say? What will your friends say? What does the future hold? You can’t even get your brain around this.
If you are a Christian parent, family member or friend to whom your loved one has appear out as male lover or lesbian, then this is for you.
I invite you to sit down, relax, maybe obtain a cup of tea, and soak in what I’m about to inform you. My desire is to reference you as we walk for a bit through this maze of confusion, to help you find your way to wholeness. In many Christian circles, this is not good news, and you may start to spiral into reflection and self-searching. We’ll get to that. But at the bottom of it all, this is not about you. Most parents’ first mistake is to mak
How Should Christians Respond to Queer Friends or Family Members?
Caleb Kaltenbach (M.A. ’07) is an alumnus of Biola’s Talbot School of Theology, lead pastor of a large church in Simi Valley, Calif., and a married father of two. He’s also an emerging voice in the discussion of how Christians should occupy the LGBT community. That’s because Kaltenbach has an insider perspective, having been raised by a dad and mom who divorced and independently came out of the closet as a male lover man and a lesbian. Raised in the midst of LGBT parties and pride parades, Kaltenbach became a Christian and a pastor as a young grown-up. Today, he manages the tension of holding to the traditional biblical teaching on sexuality while loving his gay parents.
Kaltenbach’s singular story is detailed in his new book Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction and landed him on the front page of the New York Times in June. Biola Magazine reached out to him to talk about his book and his perspective on how Christians can beat navigate the complexities of this issue with truth and grace.
In your book you say that it’s time for Christians to own the iss Coming Out to parents and family is a very difficult process. In part, it is about you. You are sharing something very personal with people you love. This makes it a period when you could get closer and more attached, but it also carries the risk of rejection and pain. Coming Out is also about others. This is a second when family who may have "seen the signs" but ignored them must admit this to themselves. Below are some tips that may help make it easier. Pick a Excellent Time Give them time to get used to it before you introduce them to your boyfriend or girlfriend. They may be willing to accept your "friend" more readily and more easily if the sexual nature of your relationship is not so quickly and constantly noticeable. Let them see that your "friend" cares about you, knows you adequately, treats you well, and wants you to be happy just like your parents do. That is what you ultimate 5 Ways You Can Help Your Child Tell or Not Tell Others This story is your child’s story; your kid gets to opt who to narrate. They may be eager to be open, or they may be uncomfortable being discussed among family and friends. Let them receive the lead, or ask their permission. Always share in the way most useful to your infant. People may figure it out on their own and a gradual realization may be leading for them. Months or years can go by without a clear remark about your child’s LGBTQ identity while in the meantime, normal relationships are preserved. Many people are unconscious of the social stigma they express toward LGBTQ youth. When this becomes personal, through someone they care about, they can often discover their own road to acceptance over time. If your child asks you to tell someone, be as cooperative as you can. They may need someone to recognize (another parent, for example) but be nervous to narrate that person. You can offer guidance to your kid regarding the range of responses you aHow to Come out to Parents
Telling Others
Prioritize your child’s needs and preferences regarding who and when to tell.
The “big reveal” may not be necessary.
They may question you to reveal someone. Help if you can.